Glossary of Terms

A friend sent these to me and I had to share them!! They are too hilarious not to...

The Momzillas glossary of terms and abbreviations
written by Jill Kargman


Affluenza: Malaise of the extremely wealthy; symptoms include panic over which color Bugaboo to buy and night sweats about which $20,000 pre-preschool to apply to. Common occurrences of dissatisfaction despite comfort of riches.

Blue Ribbon Birther: Mom who brags about her natural childbirth and thinks she deserves a prize for forgoing drugs. See EB.

BW: Babysitter Worthy; i.e., I haven’t read the reviews for that movie, I’m not sure if it’s BW (since tickets + ‘corn + bevs + sitter fee = $100).

EB: Epidural Basher; woman opposed to the use of pain medication during childbirth. Generally brags about her own long natural labor.

Fresh Baked Bread: See Glossary of Extinct Terms.


Hypochondrimom: Mom who constantly thinks her kid is sick and/or that other kids are sick and will infect her kid.

LM: Liar Mom; i.e., Madison slept through the night starting at two weeks old!

Manny: Male nanny. Usually attractive and younger than his charges’ mom and dad.

MNJ: Middle Name Junkie; mother who always calls her child by first and middle name; as in Julia Charlotte loves Mandarin class.

MTD: Mom’s Two Dinners; one at sixish with the kids, consisting of mac’n’cheese or chicken fingers. Second dinner is with husband later on.

Nursing Nazis: Brigade of vociferous moms who compete over who breast-feeds longer; often judge/bitch out bottle-feeders.

Sanctimommy: Preachy mom who thinks she knows what’s best for not just her child but also everyone else’s as well.

Suicide Hour: Generally from five p.m. until husband comes home. “Happy Hour” for the rest of the world.